La amiga anónima dijo:
Por què los hombres se equivocan tanto a la hora de querer satisfacernos sexualmente ?
He aqui algunos de los errores mas comunes..
LOS ERRORES FATALES DE LOS HOMBRES A LA HORA DEL SEXO ...
Mujeres... digámosle de una vez a los hombres las cosas
que nos molestan de ellos a la hora del sexo ...
1. AUSENCIA DE MIMOS: Evadir los labios de la mujer y lanzarse
directamente a "otro lado"; nos hace sentir
como si nos hubieran contratado..., nosotras asumimos
que puede haber sexo sin amor...pero no sean tan obvios...
no queremos romanticismo, pero un mimo... como para que
una no se sienta "un agujero en época de guerra"...
estaría bueno “hacernos creer” que te importa algo mas
que ponerla.
2. APRETONES: Cuando nos agarran una TETA ... focalízate
.... usted no son, ama de casa en el súper probando melones,
sé mas sensual...mírame, dime algo!!! Los manosean de
una manera que parece que nos las quieren "desenroscar"..
NO se sacan, cojonudo!!!
3. Y HABLANDO DE TETAS: ¿Quien le dijo a los hombres que morder
con fuerza el pezón es algo estimulante? ¿Te gustaría que
te mordieran un testículo? Hay caricias que un hombre hábil
puede hacer con los dientes y lengua... imaginación!!!...
los pezones son una de las zonas erógenas más importantes
para una mujer, pero si JUEGAS como si con ellos quisieras
sintonizar una radio..FATALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!
4. IGNORAR OTRAS PARTES DEL CUERPO FEMENINO: ..Una mujer
es algo más que tres partes del cuerpo... Por si no lo sabias,
hay áreas en el cuerpo de una mujer que son ignoradas tan
frecuentemente que a veces hasta dudamos de tenerlas,
las piernas, los hombros, los brazos, la parte de atrás
de los muslos, etc...TOCÄME !!!..AGARRAME!!!, SOBAME!!
detente un poco mas...sino nos aburrimos el tiempo restante
del turno del hotel.
5. UN REGALITO NO DESEADO: Los forros son responsabilidad
masculina.
Cómpralos, llévalos y échalos a la basura después de usarlos.
No nos encargues a nosotras esos trabajitos.
6. ACCIÓN POR EPISODIOS: Las mujeres, a diferencia de ustedes
no recomenzamos donde las cosas se quedaron; si DETIENES
la acción una vez iniciada, tendrás que regresar al punto
inicial... lo sentimos mucho...esto es como el juego de
la OCA LOCA!
7. DESVESTIRSE ANTES DE TIEMPO: El cuadro de un hombre en
calcetines y boxers o calzoncillos de colores estridentes,
no es exactamente lo mas sexy del mundo...eh!!...sácate
los calcetines, ridículo..... (lo de verlos saltar intentando
sacarse los pantalones... no tiene
nombre... así que evitemos entrar en ese terreno...)
8. MAXIMA VELOCIDAD: Cuando llegues a la afortunada situación
y empiece la acción, lo peor que puedes hacer es comenzar
a TALADRAR ….como si estuvieras repavimentando la calle
de tu casa ... suavidad ...conoces la palabra????... Por
Dios!!!, después de un rato ya aumenta la velocidad, pero
... no todo el tiempo!!!, varia...si sabes conducir...
y entended que el coche va a distintas velocidades... porque
no te das cuenta que nosotras también??
9. IRSE RÁPIDO: ... Este es probablemente el temor más grande
de ustedes. Y con razón... Si por algún motivo te vas antes
que nosotras acabemos... mas vale tengas preparado un
"Plan B" para asegurarte de que nosotras nos
demos cuenta de que estuvimos juntos.... Somos más lentas,
pero una vez encarriladas... no nos gusta quedarnos a medias!!!...así
que o entrenas manos y lengua o léete algún libro que hable
del TANTRA y de la concentración .. OHMMMMM
10. SEXO ORAL: ....No ERES UN GATITO frente a un plato de
leche...Busca!!!... nunca jugaste a "buscar los
caramelos en el plato con harina?? buenoooooooo... es
lo mismo... la diferencia es que acá tienes que buscar con
la lengua el punto débil de tu chica, y aguantar!...aunque
se te acalambre la mandíbula, si no puedes respirar, ahógate...
pero no pares!!!!....o acaso nosotras nos quejamos cuando
estamos 30 minutos subiendo y bajando la cabeza para que
TU disfrutes????..
11. EL CLITORIS:...Aunque muchos de Uds. no pudieron desmistificar
su existencia..., a los que lograron hacerlo.. les aclaramos
... No es un timbre!!!... el movimiento con los dedos no
es de presión, sino de rotación, ok????.
12. EMPUJARNOS LA CABEZA: ... Ustedes insisten en hacer
esto como si quisieran atravesarnos la nuca... Un poquito
está bien... tirarme de los pelos .. moverla, aflojarla
...pero coño ..cuando mas te entusiasma vas al punto de
querer aferrarnos a tu pelvis como si fuéramos siameses...llegamos
a odiarte... y ya sabemos que en las películas porno lo hacen
así...pero Superman vuela... y nosotras no te lo pedimos.
13. NO AVISAR CUANDO VAS A ACABAR:... Una no se va a poner
en asquerosa y a decir que nunca en su vida tragó nada....,
es más...a muchas de nosotras no nos molesta hacerlo...
pero AVISA !!!, porque una está relajada... trabajando....
y de repente te agarran mas fuerte de los pelos y te inundan....
TEN la gentileza de avisarle a tu pareja para que no haga
nauseas el resto de la jornada......y todos contentos.
14. CREERTE LAS PELÍCULAS PORNO:... En las películas XXX
profesionales, a las mujeres (que cobran, y muy bien por
ello) parece encantarles todo lo que un hombre les haga,
así sea
cachetearlas, pegarles fuerte, tratarlas como animalitos,
etc..., ahora, nosotras nos preguntamos... si no crees
que "Armaggedon" sea real.... porque esto
si?????...UBICATE!!!... o
acaso nosotras te exigimos que la tengas como el negro de
"Garganta Profunda"?.
15. LAS MUJERES ARRIBA: Pedirnos que vayamos arriba, es
sexy; pero que estemos mil horas... es de lo mas aburrido!!!
pero total... a USTEDES, que están de lo mas desparramado
mientras nosotras saltamos... que te importa, no????..
bueno.. míralo así: si quisiéramos eso...
todas las mujeres haríamos equitación..para, por lo menos,
disfrutar el paisaje...
16. GOLPETEOS: Por que se concentran en hacer una melodía
del acto sexual?..Grítame... dime cosas, no se quedan
callados, escuchando el ruido de los cuerpos..Es tan sensual
como un concurso de eructos.
17. TRATARNOS COMO CIRQUERAS: .Bárbaro que quieras incursionar
en posiciones nuevas y LEE el Kama Sutra, pero.. por el AMOR
DE DIOS !!!...no somos contorsionistas. No nos pidas cosas
que sean riesgosas para nuestra integridad física.
18. LENGUA EN LA OREJA: ... Un par de besitos... unas lengüeteadas
superficiales, bien....pero porque nos entierran la
lengua en el oído como si el clítoris lo tuviéramos ahí???...estamos
una semana sacándonos la baba..puaj... después no disfrutamos
el orgasmo del "piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii",
que nos queda sonando.
19. DARLE LAS GRACIAS: ... Nunca le des las gracias a una
mujer por haberse encamado CONTIGO...; arruinas cualquier
sentimiento positivo que pudiera haber quedado en nosotras...,
es decir... en este momento, post sexo... es donde evaluamos
tu capacidad mental..., y un agradecimiento te desacredita...
Medítalo y veras que tenemos la razón…. El SEXO es rico y
hay que saber disfrutarlo y hacerlo.
[[pirateado del blog de la Putisima]
...historias e histerias...
2.12.06
Practi-consejos (para los que andan perdidos)
posted by Nena Dildo at 2:13 p.m.
| Permalink |
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